Shrek - a short and tragic life.

Shrek was found by a friend and given to me as joke one day. He was a brand new life size plush toy. He was found at the curb somewhere in Carroll Gardens. Shrek stayed with me for a while.His lifesize hunch back figure and eyes that looked right at you scared the bejezzus out of anyone who entered the room. For all his homliness, he cut a loveable character and I don't usually find stuffed animals cute.

It came time for Shrek to move on. Back he went to the streets and within an hour he was gone from the front of my house. I was secretly hoping that he was tied to the front of a garbage truck, he was the perfect mascot for New York's "Strongest".

Month's later, on a weekend morning, the morning before New Year's Eve to be exact, I look out my kitchen window and I spot Shrek!!!! Shrek is in my neighbors backyard. he was not traveling the streets of Brooklyn as I had hoped. Shrek was sitting in a shopping cart in my neighbors back yard. Weird.

Later on, I hear the sounds of a party, as the party went on and got louder and louder, I hear what sounds like gunshots, I STILL am not sure what that was about, then the sounds of rallying to "WHACK HIM"! Poor Shrek was getting the stuffing violently beat out of him by a bunch of drunks. I actually heard someone scream "KILL HIM"!!!!

It sent chills up my spine. Poor Shrek. How could they do that to you? The crowd was drunk and might of started beating ME if I intervened! The mayhem was so loud, no matter where I went in my house I couldn't get away from it!

Next Morning, I'm afraid to see what transpired in the yard but I take a look. The picnic table is overturned, the shopping cart is on it's side and poor Shrek's remains, in the form of tiny white styro balls that look like tic tacs are over the yard. ALL OVER the yard. They are even in the fenced in garden with the Virgin Mary statue. They beat Shrek up in front of the peaceful face of the VIrgin Mary. ANIMALS!!!

Later on I am in the kitchen and hear the sound of bottles and cans. I had to take a look at who this jerk host was. He was looking haggard and was attempting to clean up the rubble of last nights scene from "Lord of the Flies". I had a little feeling of solice about the situation as today was New Years Eve and there was now way in hell that he OR his guests didn't have wicked wicked hangovers! Later I found out from the landlord, Angelo, who IS an actual garbageman and was the one who ended up cleaning up the yard, evicted partyboy.

Rest in Peace Shrek, if only I had kept you!


Anonymous said...

Brilliant, entertaining piece, I laughed so hard when i scrolled down to the 2nd photo! Thanks for the laughs!- N.Drew

ashley said...

omg! is there anyway you can tell me where i can find a shrek doll this size! i know its weird but ive been tryin to find one for about a year now. my son i obsessed with shrek and i want to get him a "life size" shrek doll. please let me know!!!! my email is toaster2714@yahoo.com

thanks much!